Bondage and bonding

Have been away and then distracted. Still somewhat distracted.

An essential, undervalued Peeve: forced socializing in the company of random individuals who happen to work for the same employer.

Now, I've always hated it, everything from the pregnancy rituals to the good-bye functions to the horriday events to the birthday intrusions and more. But let's get real. There's nothing more cruel and bizarre than the modrun practice of sequestering a whole hapless crowd far from the reach of yooman civilization, flourishing an "agenda" of vague, only semi-work-related topics that was developed behind closed doors, in order to berate the shocked and horrified with their ObFailure to demonstrate their enthusiastic affirmative to that core, age-old, central question: "Are you On Board?"

You know what, boss? You haven't bought me a sailboat. You don't pay me enough to be "on board". You ensure a further degree of off-board-ness every single time you use the phrase, times ten when you pose the question and force me to respond. Your insistence on on-boardness is rotting the boards. Leave me off your leaky boat. Leave me alone, IN MY OFFICE, to do my work. The work for which I'm getting paid, and that otherwise I have to make up in what used to be my free time since I have to spend my farking work day trying not to bite your head off amidst the retarded, fake, unprofessional, unproductive, irritating, pointless charade of superficial bonding.

Excuse me, it's time to order a stack of Demotivators to plaster around my office.